


Ever the Same

by surrexi



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-20
Updated: 2011-12-19
Packaged: 2017-10-27 14:13:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 3,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/296716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/surrexi/pseuds/surrexi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He gives her a piece of himself and she takes it, the best chance either of them will ever have to live that one last adventure. This is what they do with that chance. (Ficlets from a 10.5/Rose <a href="http://community.livejournal.com/how_iconic/29262.html">ficmix</a>. Spoilers for 4.13)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Wonderwall

**Author's Note:**

> This ficlet is inspired by Ryan Adams' "Wonderwall." The full ficmix can be found [here](http://how-iconic.livejournal.com/29262.html).

_Today was gonna be the day  
But they'll never bring it back to you  
By now you should've somehow  
Realized what you've gotta do  
I don't believe that anybody  
Feels the way I do about you now_

 _  
_

His single heartbeat echoes hollowly in his chest. He sits on the bench in the TARDIS console room and concentrates on two things — Rose, and the gentle hum of the ship in the back of his mind.

He concentrates on the hum of the TARDIS because it reminds him that physical changes aside, his mind remains; with it, his telepathy, his sense of Time. Losing that last connection to his lost people would be far worse than losing a heart, he knows that from experience.

He concentrates on Rose because he is even more full of her as a human than he was as a Time Lord. Two hearts’ worth of love crammed into one, entire dictionaries’ worth of words he’d never have said before tumbling over each other on the tip of his tongue, and that’s just the beginning.

He watches her, and she watches the _other_ him. He knows he isn’t what she came here for, isn’t the man she fought through universe after universe to see. But he sees the shadows in his other self’s eyes, and he _knows_. He has the same mind, of course he knows what the other him is planning.

He’s a selfish bastard, but since he’s fairly certain this version of him can’t live without her, he hopes his other self is strong enough to follow through. And that she’ll let him.


	2. Iris

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by the Goo Goo Dolls' "Iris." Full ficmix can be accessed [here](http://community.livejournal.com/how_iconic/29262.html).

_And I'd give up forever to touch you  
Cause I know that you feel me somehow  
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be  
And I don't want to go home right now_

 _  
_

They’re drifting in the Vortex. Donna has Rose and Jackie caught up in a story about Agatha Christie and a giant wasp, and the Time Lord in the brown suit pulls the man in the blue suit out of the console room and into the corridor.

He’s been mulling it over since his human counterpart blew up millions of Daleks, and he thinks he’s finally come to terms with what he has to do. He knows if he dug deep enough into the TARDIS library he could probably figure out some way to merge with his other self. He could take Jackie home, save Donna’s mind, and then it would be him and Rose, blazing through the universe for as long as she’d last. He can see in his other self’s eyes that he knows all of this.

“Can you really do it?” asks the man in blue.

The man in brown clenches his jaw. “Which?” he asks sharply. “What do you want? The ground or the stars?”

A split second passes, the man in blue thinking of a thousand more years of phone box travel, of fifty more years of carpets and doors.

“I want Rose. Nothing else matters. But you can’t choose for her.”

The man in brown looks back into the console room sadly. “I won’t have to.”


	3. Edge of the Ocean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by Ivy's "Edge of the Ocean." Full ficmix can be accessed [here](http://how-iconic.livejournal.com/29262.html).

_Oooh, we can begin again  
Shed our skin, let the sun shine in  
At the edge of the ocean  
We can start over again_

 

The TARDIS is gone, and the hand holding hers is the right size, the right shape, the wrong temperature.

Rose is dimly aware of her mother moving away from them, talking to her father-who-isn’t-her-father in low tones.

Her Doctor-who-isn’t-her-Doctor squeezes her hand, in comfort or in query or maybe just because she’s there.

The sun plays peek-a-boo with the clouds dappling the sky and Rose stares out across the sand. The tide is coming in, she thinks. His shoes’ll get all soaked. She switches her gaze to his profile in surprise. His hand is too warm, but the instinct to think of the domestic things he won’t rushes back just the same.

He turns his head and his eyes are the same brown. His really great hair is as big as ever. She closes her eyes and reaches up to trace his face with her free hand. Her fingers trail over his straight nose and sharp cheekbones, brush over his lips, smooth his sideburns and tangle in the shorter hairs at the nape of his neck.

She opens her eyes and finds she’s swayed closer to him without noticing. He looks strangely terrified, as if he is worried she’ll send him away, reject him. She thinks back to a long ago Christmas and exhales shakily. When she speaks, it is tentative, a question only he can answer.

“Doctor?”

He smiles, and it’s the _right_ smile. “Hello.”


	4. Nothing Without You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by Vienna Teng's "Nothing Without You." Full ficmix can be accessed [here](http://how-iconic.livejournal.com/29262.html).

_Oh call my name  
You know my name  
And in that sound  
Everything will change  
Tell me it won't always be this hard  
I am nothing without you  
But I don't know who you are_

 _  
_

  
It isn’t easy.

Not that Rose ever really thought it would be. But the days go by and she and the Doctor-who-isn’t-the-Doctor settle into Rose’s wing of the Tyler mansion (carpets, doors, but no mortgage, so it’s okay) and she wonders if it will _ever_ be easy.

He knew all along it would be hard, but a week into his curious new life, the Doctor wishes he knew which of all his wonderful new words he should say to Rose to convince her it’s going to be all right eventually. There are so many things he wants to say to her now, _can_ say to her now, but he thinks maybe she’s not ready to hear them.

He misses the TARDIS, starts scribbling nonsense in Gallifreyan on any stray piece of paper, and teaches Tony how to ask for Calufraxian licorice using the pompous grammar and obscure wording of the Council. Anything to remind him of home.

Two weeks into their life together, he comes upon Rose gazing out of a west-facing window, surrounded by the golden glow of the fading sun. He says the only thing he can think of, his voice full of all the other things he wasn’t sure he should say.

“Rose.”

She turns, and her heart flips over in her chest from his tone, from the look in his eyes. “Doctor,” she whispers, and thinks that maybe it’s getting a little bit easier.


	5. Ever the Same

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by Rob Thomas' "Ever the Same." Full ficmix can be accessed [here](http://how-iconic.livejournal.com/29262.html).

_Call on me  
I'll be there for you  
And you'll be there for me  
Forever it's you  
Forever in me  
Ever the same_

 _  
_

  
They start their nights on opposite sides of Rose’s lake-sized bed. Neither of them are quite able to sleep alone, but they aren’t ready to dispense with the pyjamas quite yet, either.

The Doctor finds that he is a light sleeper, a remnant, he supposes, of when he barely slept at all. Rose sleeps as she always has — like the dead. She has more nightmares than he remembers, though they rarely wake her. But she thrashes about, or she whimpers, and he is instantly awake and alert. He gathers her sleeping form into his arms and she responds as she always did in the old days. She burrows against him, comforted by his touch.

Sometimes it isn’t Rose’s nightmares that wake him but rather the silence. He’s used to the constant hum of the TARDIS, and though he doesn’t say it out loud, won’t undermine the things (the person) keeping him sane like that, he misses it intensely.

Though he’s never said anything, one day Rose carries a nondescript package home with them from Torchwood and disappears into their bedroom, telling the Doctor she has a surprise for him.

That night, they fall asleep in each other’s arms in the center of the bed (pyjamas on), soothed into undisturbed slumber by a small machine in the corner. It isn’t perfect, but the low hum it emits is like an aural security blanket, and the Doctor feels at home for the first time in weeks.


	6. So Far Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by Staind's "So Far Away." ~~And my annoyance with the Tenth Doctor.~~ Full ficmix can be accessed [here](http://how-iconic.livejournal.com/29262.html).

_And now that we're here, so far away  
And I feel like I can face the day  
I can forgive, and I’m not ashamed  
To be the person that I am today_

 _I'm so afraid of waking  
Please don't shake me  
Afraid of waking  
Please don't shake me_

 _  
_

  
The Doctor falls asleep in a sunbeam on a particularly comfy armchair in the library and Rose sits in another on the other side of a small table, reading a novel. Suddenly the Doctor wakes with a start, breathing heavily.

“Nightmare?” Rose asks, concerned.

The Doctor nods. “Not about _that_ , though.” He meets Rose’s eyes and she can see he’s desperate for her to understand. “He doesn’t believe it, but I know I did the right thing, the only thing.” He struggles to find the right phrasing. “I’m sorry it was necessary, but I don’t regret doing it.” He rubs his hands over his face. “The worst part is remembering before.” Even the newly open Doctor doesn’t like to talk about the Time War. “But I don’t regret it,” he repeats.

“I understand,” Rose says, and he thinks she’s the only person in all of creation who truly does. His golden goddess, the Bad Wolf who dissolved millions of Daleks into dust. She reaches out across the table and he laces his fingers with hers. “If it wasn’t that, then what?”

His fingers tighten compulsively on hers and he clears his throat. “I woke up, and you’d chosen him.”

Rose sets her book down, gets up from her chair, and curls into the Doctor’s lap. His arms come around her and hold her tightly against his chest. He buries his face in her hair and breathes deep.

“I chose you,” she whispers.


	7. Take My Hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by Dido's "Take My Hand." Full ficmix can be accessed [here](http://how-iconic.livejournal.com/29262.html).

_So sit on top of the world  
And tell me how you're feeling  
What you feel is what I feel for you  
Take my hand and if I'm lying to you  
I'll always be alone  
If I'm lying to you_

 _  
_

  
It isn’t long before they both get the itch to travel, so they pack quickly and hit the road in a shiny blue sports car. Rose likes it because it is surprisingly roomy for its size.

The Doctor likes it because it goes fast.

They go to Scotland, and as they stand hand in hand on a windy cliff deep in the Highlands, the Doctor says it reminds him of Gallifrey, a little. “The north,” he says, slipping momentarily into his former accent. He drops down to the blanket they’ve spread on the ground and reaches for their picnic basket. “’M starving,” he says. “Did you remember to pack the bananas, Rose?”

Inexplicably, as he gazes up at her all innocence and enthusiasm, the last piece of the puzzle of her new (new new) Doctor clicks into place. She drops down in front of him and frames his face with her hands. He smiles curiously as she stares into his eyes, all seriousness. “It’s okay if you didn’t,” he ventures, and happy tears fill her eyes.

“I love you so much,” she says, and before he can respond she presses her lips to his and pushes at his new pinstriped coat.

A long time later, she is sheepishly grateful they picked such a secluded spot for a picnic, and she traces lazy patterns on his skin as their breathing returns to normal.

“I love you, too,” he says, and she laughs out her joy.


	8. Brighter than Sunshine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by Aqualung's "Brighter Than Sunshine." Full ficmix can be accessed [here](how-iconic.livejournal.com/29262.html).

_I never understood before  
I never knew what love was for  
My heart was broke  
My head was sore  
What a feeling_

 _Tied up in ancient history  
I didn't believe in destiny  
I look up you're standing next to me  
What a feeling _

_  
_

  
On their last day in Scotland, they get caught in a terrific rainstorm. The Doctor is unfazed, and cheerfully continues his exploration of a dilapidated stone circle. He stops to wipe the rain from his brainy specs and looks up to see Rose standing in the center of the circle. Her face is lifted up to the rain and she smiles serenely, eyes closed.

The Doctor is struck with a wave of love so intense it nearly knocks him off his feet. He knows he’s been in love with her practically since the moment he first took her hand and told her to run, knows he’s been hers to bend and shape since day one.

But now, here in this universe where there are no lords of time or homicidal pepper pots, she is his in a way she could never have been before. He doesn’t need to protect himself anymore, keep himself from feeling things that would destroy him when she was gone. The whole of history may run through his head, but now his only responsibility is to make one person happy. He doesn’t have to put her second anymore.

“I love you!” he shouts. She doesn’t move or open her eyes, just shouts back that she loves him too and goes back to enjoying the rain.

He’s soaked to the skin and his shoes are squelching, but when he looks at her he almost needs sunglasses.


	9. Who We Are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by Lifehouse's "Who We Are." Full ficmix can be accessed [here](how-iconic.livejournal.com/29262.html).

_And we break  
And we bend  
And we turn it inside out  
To take it back  
To the start  
And through the rise and falling apart  
We discover who we are_

 _  
_

  
After a while, Rose doesn’t think of him as the Doctor-who-isn’t-the-Doctor anymore, she just thinks of him as the Doctor. He stops having nightmares about his other self coming back to claim what’s his and starts dreaming of possibilities that weren’t open to him before. It’s still not perfect, because what is? But like Jackie and Pete have taken their losses and made something brighter and stronger than either of them ever had before, the Doctor and Rose do their best to build something fantastic.

They work for Torchwood and save the world six times in five days in the average week.

Rose laughs and then cries when the Doctor surprises her with a diamond ring and says it’s only right to make it official. The Doctor is speechless and then chatters in unceasing enthusiasm when Rose brings up the topic of children.

Rose learns that the Doctor hates pears, and he learns that Rose hates pineapple (but loves piña coladas). They have their first epic fight, and spend twice as long making up as they did fighting. They roll with the punches and fight against the tide and all those clichés until the life they have is the best life they can imagine.

And they love every second, even the shouty ones.


	10. You're All I Have

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by Snow Patrol's "You're All I Have." Full ficmix can be accessed [here](how-iconic.livejournal.com/29262.html).

_Give me a chance to hold on  
Just give me something to hold onto_

 _It's so clear now  
That you are all that I have  
I have no fear  
Cause you are all that I have_

 _  
_

  
As she picks bemusedly at the tattered skirt of her wedding dress, Rose decides that given who she is, and who exactly she’s marrying, it was inevitable that things would go somewhat less than smoothly. Still, the elaborate flower arrangements turning out to be an intrinsic part of an alien plot to take over the world instead of just roses and baby’s breath was more unexpected than even Rose could have dreamt up.

So instead of weeping or shouting, she laughs as she stands in the vestibule of the church and her mother rails at her father for letting things get “out of hand.” She catches the Doctor’s eye, and he smiles widely. He’s probably happier now that his tuxedo is torn and dirty than he was when it was pressed and polished and oh-so-serious.

“Mum,” Rose says, grabbing her mother’s flailing arms and grasping her hands tightly. “It’s fine, really. Everybody lived,” she says with a smile for the Doctor because that's still his favorite kind of day. “Everybody lived, the church is still standing, an’ me and the Doctor are still here.” She drops her mother’s hands and crosses the small vestibule to stand next to her almost-husband and lace her fingers with his. He holds on tight, beaming.

“He’s here, Mum.” The look in Rose’s eyes is more eloquent than she could ever be, but even her simple words are enough. “He’s here, and that’s all I need.”


	11. Hard Times

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by eastmountainsouth's "Hard Times." Full ficmix can be accessed [here](how-iconic.livejournal.com/29262.html).

_Let us pause in life's pleasures  
And count its many tears  
While we also sorrow with the poor  
There's a song that will linger  
Forever in our ears  
Oh, hard times  
Come again no more_

 _  
_

  
The years pass by, and even with all the alien invasions, the hassle of moving out of the mansion and into their own place, Rose cursing at the Doctor in the delivery room, and the chaotic insanity that comes with raising children whose father is quite possibly the most hyperactive man in the universe, they can’t help feeling that after all they went through to get here, they’re living a bit of a charmed life. They have each other, and just that is more than they thought they’d ever get. Factor in jobs they love and children they adore, and it’s impossible for them to regret anything or ask for more.

Still, they don’t forget the things, the _people_ they’ve lost. Jack and Donna Tyler are raised on stories of their uncle who travels in time and space and saves the universe with a sonic screwdriver and a silver tongue, of their brilliant namesakes and their friends.

The Tyler family makes yearly pilgrimages to Bad Wolf Bay to pay their respects, to spare thoughts and words in memory of the sacrifices that had to be made to give them this adventure they’re living.

Rose stands on the shore with her husband and watches as seven-year-old Jack solemnly lectures five-year-old Donna on the creatures inhabiting a nearby tide pool. She smiles, sees so much of all three of her Doctors in their children. She squeezes the hand held in hers and knows everything is going to be fine.

  



	12. All We Ever Find

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by Tim McGraw's "All We Ever Find." Full ficmix can be accessed [here](how-iconic.livejournal.com/29262.html).

_Tell me all your dreams  
What you think love means  
We'll lock the world outside  
Embrace the gift of time  
Promising forever  
Knowing that this moment might be  
All we ever find_

 _  
_

  
The Doctor doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to how fast time moves now that his life expectancy is so much shorter. He can still feel it passing, every second whipping down his neurons, months going by like seconds used to pass before. He used to be a lord of Time, but he thinks he never understood its true value until he stopped being a lord of anything.

He’s just finished giving Jack his goodnight kiss — and he savors it, because Jack’s growing up faster than the Doctor could have ever imagined, and he knows goodnight kisses will soon become a thing of the past. He makes the short trip down the hall to Donna’s room and finds Rose pressing a kiss to their daughter’s forehead. “Sleep sweet,” she says, and Donna nods slowly, already mostly asleep.

The Doctor leans in the doorway, smiling at the picture his girls make, trying to imprint this moment forever in his mind and heart. Rose strokes her hand over Donna’s hair and then gets up from the bed. A slow smile spreads across her face when she sees the Doctor in the doorway. She crosses to his side and slides her arms around his waist, gives him a kiss. “What’re you thinking?” she whispers.

He presses a kiss to her forehead. “That I’ll never stop loving you.” He strokes her cheek once, smiles. “How long are you gonna stay with me?”

Rose returns his smile. “Forever.”


	13. This Year's Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by David Gray's "This Year's Love." Full ficmix can be accessed [here](how-iconic.livejournal.com/29262.html).

_Cause it takes something more this time  
Than sweet, sweet lies  
Before I open up my arms and fall  
Losing all control  
Every dream inside my soul_

 _And when you kiss me  
On that midnight street  
Sweep me off my feet  
Singing ain't this life so sweet_

 _  
_

  
The Doctor and Rose stroll hand-in-hand down their dark, deserted street. There’s a sitter waiting back home with their presumably sleeping children, but they walk slowly, enjoying their evening to themselves. They pass a small park and stop to sit on the swings, still holding hands as they gently sway back and forth.

The Doctor cranes his neck and stares up at the stars, picking out the old familiar constellations and making up new ones with clever, silly names that he can teach Jack and Donna to make them laugh.

“Do you still miss them?” Rose asks, and the Doctor shifts his gaze from the stars.

“The stars?”

She nods.

“Sometimes,” he admits. To lie would cheat both of them out of what they had before. He gets up from his swing and stands in front of her. “Sometimes very much. But I can live without the stars.” He leans down and kisses her slowly, drawing her to her feet and pulling her close as he does so.

The kiss breaks and he touches his forehead to hers. “I can’t live without you.”

Rose blinks back tears and throws her arms around her husband’s neck in a clinging hug. “I wouldn’t trade you for anything,” she whispers in his ear.

And they live happily ever after.


End file.
